5 Tips for Parenting as an Introvert
Parenting as an introvert can be emotionally and spiritually draining as you juggle loud noises, frequent demands, play dates and birthday parties. Consider these five tips to help meet your own needs as an introvert while feeling confident in your parenting skills.
1. Prioritize Alone Time
Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not people-haters. Introverts have a higher need for alone time to recharge and feel ready for connection. As an introvert and parent, alone time is often hard to come by. Children naturally seek their parents for co-regulation of emotions and parents do not want to dismiss their children.
Parents do not need to sacrifice the opportunity to re-charge. If you have a partner or co-parent, discuss your need for alone time and schedule it into your week. Maybe you take a walk while your partner cooks dinner or read a book alone while your partner handles bath time.
If you do not have a co-parent in the house, outsourcing childcare to meet your needs should be a priority. Many parents feel guilty hiring a babysitter when they aren’t working. Since your most important “job” is parenting, remember that you will be more present and attentive to your child when your own needs are met. Just as airline pilots are required to rest between flights, you also need to make sure you are at your best when parenting.
2. Say No to Unnecessary Socialization
Children inevitably bring on many opportunities for socialization. School parties, birthday parties, parades, sports, etc. As a parent, you may feel obligated to attend every event and agree to every playdate. As an introvert, you know that this will leave you drained and cranky.
Think about the friends your child is closest to and the activities your child enjoys most when deciding which events to attend. Say no to those activities and events that your child will likely not miss. When it comes to school events and sports, give yourself permission to hang back and observe. You don’t need to give into pressures to be the “room parent” or soccer coach if you know this won’t serve you well.
3. Teach your child the magic of quiet moments
Extroverted parents may seem fun and exciting, but introverted parents can teach their children many lessons about quiet connection and creativity. Your child will cherish memories of snuggled-in-bed movie night or Saturday morning painting sessions. Children thrive on one-to-one time. Afternoon walks and deep talks in the car are a great way to share yourself with your little ones.
4. Honor your child’s temperament
Young children often show signs of introversion or extroversion before the age of 2. Is your child an introvert too? Let go of the guilt around not doing every activity or event. Your child likely enjoys some down time as well.
Is your child showing signs of needing socialization to recharge? Look for opportunities to provide this without taxing your patience. Structured activities with adult supervision might allow you to drop off an older child for socialization. Visiting with a close friend who also has children might leave you feeling refreshed and not drained. Allowing your toddler to attend a few days of preschool might meet their social needs and give you the alone time break you need.
Comparing yourself to other parents won’t make you a better parent. Instead, look at your own unique child and think about how to meet their needs without sacrificing your own needs. You do not need to feel exhausted and drained to be a good parent. In fact, you’re a much better parent when you are rested and in balance!
5. Rely on routines
Finally, being an introvert means you have a high need for quiet thought, rest, and creativity. The best way to do this is by building these things into your daily and weekly schedule. Your children will thrive on the predictable nature of their day and week. There will be less arguing and crying. Your children will come to expect that your time folding laundry is a time they must entertain themselves. When bedtime comes at the same time each night, they will know that bedtime is coming and fall asleep more easily.
Routines and structure make parenting as an introvert far easier. If you’ve had trouble establishing routines or feeling connected with yourself as a parent, consider reaching out to us to discuss how we can help. A few sessions of therapy to focus on your inner world and your needs can often help parents feel more connected and calm when parenting. Call us today for a free 15 minute phone consultation. To learn more about Parenting Therapy and how Skylands Wellness can help, click here.