Family Therapy
Why can't we all just get along?!
Why is their so much yelling, crying, fighting?
How can I help my kids feel understood without sacrificing all of our rules and boundaries?
What can we do to move beyond the things that happened in the past and connect as a family?
Family conflict is part of family life
You probably recall feeling misunderstood or unheard at some point in your own childhood. You might have even vowed to do things differently when you were a parent. And then you find yourself in conflict with your kids, step kids or spouse on a regular basis and you wonder, “How did we get here?”
We know it feels awful right now, but we assure you that conflict is part of the work of raising children. When a stressor is added to the family, such as a new child, a move, a remarriage, or a change in family schedule, the normal conflict in a family can escalate. The ripple effects impact everybody in the home, and soon you find yourself doubting your ability as a parent.
It can feel like you can’t win no matter what you do. Somebody is always unhappy. And you’re on borrowed time; the kids will be grown up before you know it and you don’t want them to only remember arguing and tension in their home.
Your family is our patient
Families that come to see us know that it’s not just one person “causing” the problems in the home. It’s the relationships that aren’t working and you need a therapist that understands your whole family. In our training in family systems therapy, we’ve come to view the family as a “system,” much like an organism that needs all of it’s parts to survive. If one part isn’t doing well, the whole family suffers. If you’re having trouble figuring out who in the family really needs therapy, you probably would benefit from family therapy.
Our work together starts with a thorough assessment of your family, family history, strengths and challenges. As we look at the whole family unit, we are working to build a relationship with each family member. We are assessing for patterns that are likely invisible to you from the inside, but are preventing your family from growing and moving forward. We may hold some sessions with just the adults in the family to work on setting the stage for success and we may recommend individual sessions for members of the family who might have a need for additional support.
We’ll help your family develop a treatment plan that centers on your family values and hopes for the future. By bringing to light some of the patterns in your family that aren’t working, each person can play a role in changing those patterns and living as a happier, healthier family unit.
Family therapy is different than individual therapy
Traditional family therapy has fallen by the wayside as insurance has focused on diagnosing an individual and treating the individual. We think this creates a real challenge for many families. Within a family, the family members are inter-dependent, not independent. Family therapy focuses on the inter-dependence and relationships between individuals. No family member is an island and everybody is impacted by changes in any individual.
We find that family therapy is the best route when families undergo stressors and changes. These situations may include divorce, separation, remarriage, move, illness, having special needs child, sudden change in financial picture, revelation about sexuality or gender identity, or any other unexpected change or news. For example, when parents divorce, everybody is impacted individually in their own way and those individual experiences impact the functioning of the whole family. This can be said of any major change within the family, including those that might be positive overall, such as the birth of a new child or moving to a better neighborhood!
What if my kids won't talk?
We hear this all the time. My kids don’t talk to me so I don’t think they will talk in therapy. It’s possible they won’t want to talk, but they’ll still make gains by having issues addressed in the family therapy space at a designated time. However, we generally have pretty strong success with getting kids engaged in treatment. When they build a relationship with the therapist and know that they aren’t going to be blamed, we often see another side to them that might be hidden at home. This doesn’t mean it’s your fault or you are causing them not to talk. The therapist is an adult that isn’t their parent, so the relationship is different!
But we don't have time for therapy right now...
We get it, we’re parents too! There are so many demands on you and you don’t want to waste your time. We value your time and make scheduling easy. It starts with a free 15 minute phone consultation which you can schedule online, via phone or by e-mail. Our sessions are available online in New Jersey or Pennsylvania, in-person in our Morris County (Succasunna) office or Sussex County (Newton) office, or a hybrid of both options! We trust that you’ll be glad you invested your time and money into your family.
If you’re hesitating because your family is unique and you aren’t sure we can really help with your problems, please reach out. We’ve worked with families in a multitude of settings from many backgrounds. We have experience with families dealing with chronic illness, special needs children, foster care and adoption issues, and many other unique challenges. We are an inclusive practice that truly supports families of all kinds- same sex parents, transgender parents, working parents, stay at home parents, and more! We won’t teach you the right way to be a family, we’ll help you find your “right” way.
Start your journey to a happier family today
All of the therapists at Skylands Wellness have experience working in settings where family therapy was part of our training and daily work. Even when we work with individuals, we are always thinking about the family system because we know how important family relationships are in our mental health. Most of all, we have our own families and we truly empathize with modern family challenges, scheduling difficulties, and the daily stressors of family life.
If you know your family is amazing, but you haven’t been able to reach your full potential, we hope you’ll reach out. Contact us today for your free 15 minute phone consultation. Share your pain points and we’ll share how we can help.
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