Help Your Partner with Postpartum Depression

As the spouse or partner of a mother with postpartum depression, it’s important to educate yourself on this mental health condition and be prepared to be part of the healing process for your partner.  Research shows that having a solid support system can mitigate the risk and lower rates of postpartum depression.  By developing your skills in this area, you can help your partner find relief faster.  

Understand what postpartum depression is and how it feels

Postpartum depression is a mental health condition affecting as many as 1 in 5 new mothers.  There are identified risk factors including a history of depression, family history of postpartum depression, traumatic birth, having limited support, or being a person of color.  However, these risk factors are not causal factors.  Even without these risk factors, mothers can feel depressed after the birth of the baby.  Mothers with postpartum depression often feel down, hopeless, guilty, or unmotivated.  They may experience episodes of rage or describe themselves as feeling lifeless and disconnected.  They may cry frequently, have trouble enjoying things they previously looked forward to, and may neglect themselves.  

While it is expected that new mothers will feel unsure or tearful at times, ongoing feelings of sadness, guilt, and hopelessness lasting more than 2-3 weeks are signs of postpartum depression.  Many mothers with postpartum depression will not ask for help or will feel ashamed of their feelings.  Because of this, it is often the partner that identifies the symptoms first.  More details about the symptoms of postpartum depression can be found at the Postpartum Support International website.  

Support and encourage help seeking

The sooner moms receive mental health support, the sooner they will feel better.  This improves the mother-baby bond and shortens the length of time the mother will experience distressing symptoms.  The recommended treatment for postpartum depression is a combination of mental health therapy and medication.  At Skylands Wellness, we specialize in perinatal mental health and we strongly encourage help-seekers to find a practice with demonstrated expertise in postpartum depression.  There is also a comprehensive directory of providers available here, including medication prescribers.  

If your partner is not ready for therapy or medication, talk to your partner about other types of support.  The PSI hotline or postpartum support groups may feel like a more comfortable starting place for moms with milder symptoms.  However, we must emphasize that any thoughts of mom harming herself or her baby should be addressed immediately by contacting your OB/GYN’s emergency line, 9-8-8, or visiting your nearest emergency room.  It should be emphasized that moms with postpartum depression rarely want to harm their children , but they are at higher risk for self-harm.  

Accept and listen to your partner’s feelings 

Your partner may say things like, “I don’t feel bonded to our baby” or “I am the worst mother ever. You’d be better off without me.”  It can be scary and painful to hear these statements.  However, your partner is trusting you with their deepest feelings.  It is better to listen, offer support and reassurance without trying to talk your partner out of their feelings.  Trying to convince your partner that she is bonded to the baby when she feels a lack of connection may lead your partner to feel shame about her feelings.  Instead, remind your partner that bonds can take time to develop and identify specific strengths you observe.  For instance, instead of saying “No, you’re a good mom,” provide specific feedback such as, “You’re working so hard at making sure our baby has breastmilk.  This is a sign of how good of a mom you are.”  

Support your partner’s healing 

Physical and emotional healing go hand in hand.  To help your partner with postpartum depression, you must help them heal with adequate rest, hydration, and nutrition.  Talk to your partner about how you can help them get these needs met.  Simply refilling your partner’s water bottle and making sure it’s close by can help her remember to drink water when she’s feeling down.  If your partner is having difficulty sleeping, consider taking shifts with the baby so she can have a few hours in a quiet and dark room to rest.  If your partner doesn’t have an appetite or isn’t cooking as much as she used to, consider stepping into the role of food prep while she heals.  While these things may seem simple, a depressed partner can have difficulty following through on basic self-care tasks, making it harder for their mood to improve.  

Find your own outlet for support 

It can be frustrating and disheartening to see your partner depressed.  Even when you are doing everything right, you may not be able to make her feel better.  If you find yourself having negative feelings regarding your partner’s moods, consider finding a therapist or support group to process these feelings.  Feelings of disappointment, anger and confusion are perfectly understandable.  You might not be able to lean on your partner to process these feelings now, but you can rely on other trustworthy supports to share your feelings.  

To learn more about helping your partner with postpartum depression, Contact Us 

We’re always happy to consult with partners about what they are observing and how we can help.  It’s often partners who first notice the problem and make a supportive suggestion that the new mother reach out for help.  Postpartum therapy can bring your partner relief from the symptoms of postpartum depression.  Our perinatal experts are here to support your whole family in reaching its maximum potential.   Call us today for a free 15 minute phone consultation. To learn more about Postpartum Therapy and how Skylands Wellness can help, click here.